Beautiful Meaningful Existence
- Brielle Wolfe
- Nov 12, 2019
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 21, 2022
Have you ever asked yourself:
Why was I born this way? Or have you ever caught yourself wishing that you were never born at all because you didn't even ask to be born in the first place? If so. . .
That's okay, so have I.
These thoughts have stemmed from my feelings of being inadequate combined with my depression and anxiety. Because of that, I had even considered life to be my enemy. Others were seeing it as a gift, but I had seen it as a curse. For a long time, I had viewed myself as just passing through in life, and my exit, Heaven. I simply didn't want to exist anymore. I wanted an escape, to finally be free of my suffering, and to find peace.
Now, for those of you who don't already know this:
The mind of a person with depression and anxiety is constantly at war with itself and in pain. It's accompanied by feelings of loneliness and emptiness that are so numbing; it makes us feel like an empty shell of a doll. Not to mention the thoughts and feelings of helplessness, unworthiness, burdensome to loved ones, life being pointless, unmotivated, wanting to isolate oneself, but also not wanting to be alone.
These overpowering emotions become so overwhelming that our only wish is that there was an off switch to our tormenting thoughts and feelings. But there is NO escape from one's own mind.
And, of course, we can't forget the endless feeling of being tired.
Tired of it all and of everything.
So tired and desperately wanting an escape from our minds and reality that we'd kill ourselves for it.
Now, let this sink in for those of you who have the luxury of not feeling such things. Maybe, just maybe, you'll finally understand how serious this can be when getting a glimpse of what mental health disorders can really do to a person.
To those of you who have gone through this and do know what it's like, I know what you're going through. I've felt your pain; I've gone through it just as you have and still do to this very day.
But please listen to me when I tell you to put your faith and trust in God. He is fighting for us and knows exactly what we are going through. He can feel everything that we do!
James1:12
"God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."
Your existence does matter, and you do have a purpose! Whether it's to
share kind words and a gentle touch, counseling, painting, writing, leadership, critical thinking, marketing, comedy/entertainment, programming and coding, woodworking, laborer, etc.; all that you do and say matters. God blesses us with gifts and talents so that we can become a blessing for someone else. He is literally handing us the keys to a better future in the palm of our hands. So, use those talents you have, and make the world a better place for others and yourself. And never forget that by the grace of God, we can make a difference. Give glory and thanks to the Lord Almighty!
1Peter4:10-11
"God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to Him forever and ever! Amen."
Mathew5:15-16
"No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father."
Therefore, I wouldn't change how I was born with this mental disorder because I wouldn't have this chance, now, to embrace more people than I could without it.
So, if you are suffering, please seek help! Whether that help comes from God, a friend, a family member, a therapist, or a member from a church.
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