Label Me Not!

• Outsider

• Lonely

• Crazy

• Weirdo

• Unstable

• Psycho

• Freak

• Empty

• Unlovable

• Burdensome

All this and more is what I have thought of myself. I even went as far as to think that others thought of me this way too. I mean, it's only natural for others to think this way about me as well, right?

Wrong!

I found out that it was just all in my head. That I was the only one who really thought those things were true about me.

I suffer from Chronic Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety. Some people may say, 'that's not even a real illness.' Those types of people, though, compare a mental illness to a physical one. It's no wonder why they don't understand because they don't think of mental disorders as real problems detrimental to our health. When in actuality, they really are! Mental disorders affect not only a person's mental and emotional health but also our physical health as well.

It feels like suffocating, drowning, being buried alive, or getting stuck in a dark maze and unable to find your way out. The weight on your chest that puts itself there hurts so much, like a heart attack. NO! Worse than a heart attack!

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It feels like flesh being torn and grotesquely ripped open as a chainsaw hacks into the chest and abdomen.

It feels like a rib cage being shattered as bone meets the metal of a sledgehammer that comes crashing down to bend and break.

It feels like a heart being set aflame as the searing heat burns me from the inside out, making it hard to breathe.

It feels like hands trembling, nerves quaking, thoughts racing, and emotions being too overwhelming.

It's feeling everything, while also feeling nothing. . .

Like being an empty shell of a doll.

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Feeling all of this can make finding internal happiness difficult. However, one thing that I have found that finally brings out my internal happiness is love. The love my dog, my family, and my friends have for me, and my love for them. And especially God's love for me, because His love is unconditional, no matter my condition or sins. Christ is my Savior and eternal light, who helps me through my dark times of depression and life.

Some of you reading this might be asking: if you're a Christian who believes in God and accepts Christ as your savior, then why does God let you suffer? Why does God let bad things happen to us if He supposedly loves you and everyone else so much?

Well, the thing is, even though I am a Christian woman and love God, we all must go through struggles in life due to the sin Adam and Eve committed by disobeying God. However, His mercy and love are far greater than His anger.

Ephesians2:4-5

"But God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God's grace that you have been saved!)

John3:16

"For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."

1Peter4:1-2

"So then, since Christ suffered physical and mental pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude He had and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered for Christ, you have finished with sin. You won't spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desire, but you will be anxious to do the will of God."

So, even if I am suffering from depression and anxiety, I will choose to see my flaws as a blessing from God. In this way, I hope to help others by sharing my thoughts and experiences with all of you!

#LabelMeNot #MentalHealth #Awareness