Within a Fog

Having a lack of motivation to do anything, even though you feel ashamed for not being productive. . . why?

I'm tired.

Isolating yourself from the world and loved ones, even though you don't want to be alone. . . why?

I'm tired.

Claiming to be busy to others when actually you're just laying in bed either watching TV or surfing the net. . . why?

I'm tired.

Feeling lost, in pain, confused, lonely, worthless, burdensome, empty, torn apart from the inside out, never good enough, and random bursts of screaming and crying. . . why?

I'm tired.

---

I'm tired is the universal way of saying, "I feel all of this and more," without the use of a drawn-out explanation. It explains everything, yet, also explains nothing at the same time.

---

The feelings of being so tired that doing the things you love eventually becomes a hassle and tedious. Momentarily driving out all of the motivation and passion that used to sparkle in your eyes. That sparkle that once showed others how determined, persistent, and hardworking you were. How long will it last this time? I don't know. . . maybe a day or two, a week, maybe even for a month or a season. It comes and goes as it pleases. Similar to the waves and tides of the ocean.

Sometimes, the tiredness gets so heavy, to the point of driving a person not to care anymore about anything. Not their job(s), relationships, hobbies and interests, personal hygiene, and not even their self-worth. It somehow disconnects you mentally, emotionally, and physically, leaving you numb, but yet, you still feeling everything through the throbbing and piercing ache of your heart. It's almost as if we are ghosts living in a fog and feeling invisible to the world, like a bystander who fades into the background simply observing everything going on around them. Our hearts ache to interact with others, but our minds scream no. Our hearts long to be held and cherished by another, but our minds revolt in fear. Our hearts wish to help and bring joy to others, but our minds doubt if we're capable of doing that at all.

So, have you have ever felt that tired?

Well, have you?

---

It's definitely not a fun feeling, that's for sure. In fact, I have been going through it myself as of late. It was honestly a struggle even to write this post for this week. But what did I do to pull through this haze of tiredness?

I prayed.

Not for it to go away or be cured and whatnot, but for God to lessen its effects. I prayed so that I could once again have hope, even though I was trapped in a thick fog of depression, anxiety, and tiredness.

Trust me, I have prayed for God to take away or cure my depression and anxiety before. But the reason He did not do so is that it was not a part of His plan. I know what you're thinking, "I thought God's plans are to prosper and not harm," and that's still true. The thing is, if God had cured or taken away my depression, I wouldn't have created this blog and be writing to you now like I am. Instead, God used my depression and anxiety, which is my greatest weakness, so that I may share my experiences and words of encouragement with all of you.

Corinthians12:9

"Each time He said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now, I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me."

---

That's what I did, and that's why I was able to pull through, getting this blog post written and posted. With God's help and the words of scripture from the Bible, I was able to get my motivation back, to write this. It's a struggle for sure, but I will choose to rest in the Lord, for He is the one who keeps pushing me to move forward.

Philippians4:6

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done."

Colossians3:23

"Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people."

#WAF #ImTired #Blahness